Couch Pototo

I hate buying things. Too often do I spend my money on unnecessary things. Drinks. Snacks. Shirts that don't fit me well. Books that aren't that good. Extra sets of sheets. Pot holders. Things. They just accumulate. When I moved to Sunnyside, I attempted to clear my life of clutter. If I had not worn an article of clothes in over a year, I tossed it, even if I'd barely worn it. Books were sold back to used book stores. Games and clothes, extra towels and picture frames, pots and pans, were all piled into garbage bags and dropped off at the Salvation Army. I like having certain material items, but I dislike the feeling that I'm beholden to my possessions. If something provides value, great, use it, but don't let those possessions dictate your lifestyle.

That overriding concept is what has prevented me from going ahead and buying a new television, computer, DVD player, toaster, underwear, etc. For example, I rationalized that if my current DVD player worked (constant skipping included) then why should I spend money on another one. Sure, I've had the same DVD player since 1992. Sure, it's the size of a refrigerator. Sure, it constantly skips. Still, it works. It plays (most) movies (most of the time). It serves its purpose.

Moving, however, has persuaded me to upgrade my lifestyle, while still downgrading other aspects. I already have a new TV. I'm laptop shopping. The DVD player is staying until Blu-ray players drop under $1,000,000. Most importantly, I just got a new couch.

I sold my chocolate-brown, leather pull-out couch, matching chair, and bedroom furniture, consisting of a bed, two nightstands, and a 6-drawer dresser with mirror to the tenant moving in after me. I sold this furniture for a few reasons:

1. I bought it all 4 years ago.
2. I was getting bored with it.
3. I didn't want to pay for movers and I wasn't enthusiastic about moving more than I had to.
4. The new guy paid me.

My move, of course, was simple. Just some boxes and bookshelves. My friend Chris helped out and it took one hour to load the truck and one hour to unload. Unfortunately, I've been couchless for the past 6 weeks. You never realize how difficult it is to entertain guests until you don't have a couch. You also fail to realize that people enjoy sitting. More so, they enjoy sitting on something plush, cushiony, something to really sink into, which massages and supports your back and butt, neck and shoulders. A flat, low, end table doubling as a stool lacks every sought for item and that is all I have to offer. In fact, I have two of them. They match. Neither one screams comfortable.

As a result, I have not scheduled my housewarming party. I want to put forth a favorable impression of my new apartment and nothing creates a more favorable impression than sufficient and comfortable seating. I've known this for years, but only now has it affected my life.

When I set out to purchase a couch I had two criteria. One, it had to be less than 70 inches wide so as to not block the French doors from fully opening. Two, it had to be cheap so I wouldn't feel buyer's remorse considering I just got rid of a perfectly fine leather couch. My first stop was Ikea.

My first stop lasted under 30 minutes, which was sufficient time to realize that I would not be purchasing my couch at Ikea. I actually had an Ikea couch in law school, which worked out well, but when I graduated I promised myself that I wouldn't buy Ikea furniture again. I was big-time.

I'm still a corporate lawyer, but, for some reason, I want to live small-time. So I dragged the girl that I'm dating [Let's just call her "Girl," this whole "girl that I'm dating" euphemism is neither catchy nor quick to type] for "speed Ikea." I think we ran through there faster than anyone in the past year or so. All of Ikea's furniture appeared cheaply constructed. The beds were rickety, the couches were unsupported, the light fixtures were flimsy. If it looked like metal, it was plastic. If it looked like plastic, it was the cheapest plastic ever. If it looked like cheap plastic, it was glossy construction paper. If it looked like wood, you were elsewhere.

In the end, I bought a $7 flower stand, which is currently being used as a towel stand. For accuracy's sake, I bought a $7 towel stand at Ikea.

My next stop was the internet. I devoured the content and, in the process, learned more about the couch offerings and styles at every furniture store in the tri-state area than any other 28 year old guy who doesn't do interior design for a living. I know about micro-fibers, micro-suedes, suedes, leather, upholstered pieces, slipcovers, square arms, rounded arms, tapered legs, chaise lounges, sectionals, stain repellant sprays, custom orders, love seats, high backs, low backs, accent pillows, sleepers, reclining seats, enough to stage design an entire apartment building. Nothing was perfect.

Then I went to Jennifer convertible, where still nothing was perfect, but it was pretty close. I quickly found two couches that could work. They were both narrow enough and cheap enough and both came with a sleeper. The only problem was that one was a lot cheaper. So, of course, everyone who saw the two couches liked the other one more.

I tortured myself for weeks, arguing over the points. Should I go for cost savings or better construction? Convenience or comfort? Serviceable or stylish? New underwear or what I've been wearing for the past 8 years.

I broke down last week. I came to a decision, pressured by the reality that any housewarming party demanded a couch and the desire to not sit on an end table while trying to watch a movie with Girl. I went with the nicer, cleaner, cooler, costlier couch. Do I regret my decision? Of course. Will I love that couch? Yes. Will I revel in its sumptuousness every time I recline into its folds? Undoubtedly. Will I get new underwear, ever? I sure hope so.

Jared

P.S. I'd like to thank my sister for going to Jennifer to pick up the couch for me while I've been shackled at work all week, all weekend, and for the foreseeable future. It's a long story (not really) and I'm not getting into it.