H to the D

HDTV is the pinnacle of current television technology. It's like DVD compared to VHS. Once you watch a show in HD, then switch back to regular broadcast, you can't believe you watched that steaming pile of blur for the better part of your life. And it's available with cable, something I haven't had for the past 4 years. That was my problem. I had been without cable for almost 14% of my life, not including my toddler years when I couldn't distinguish a television from a relative or those early, not-yet teenage years when cable TV was too expensive for my family to have, so actually if I was calculating this accurately, then I'd have to say I've been without cable for roughly 68% of my life. That is a staggering number, which I'm sure any child growing up now will never have to suffer. Yay Capitalism!

My most recent period without cable began unintentionally. It began on an unremarkable Saturday night in Philadelphia, PA, where I was finishing my third (and final) year of law school. Finals were almost a month away, and the New York State Bar Exam was looming two months after that. For the year and 9 months prior, I had been receiving free cable. I don't know how it happened, but I would venture that the previous tenant never closed his or her account and the cable company never got around to follow up. It was great. I had movie channels, I had Comedy Central, I had The Home Shopping Network. What more could I ask for?

One Saturday night in 2004, however, it was all taken from me. Snowy, black and white static filled the screen of my 1990-something, 27-inch Zenith. Distortion filled my ears. No more movies, no more Roasts, no more buying U.S. Mint coin collections. I was blind-sided. I had no plans that evening other than enjoying a movie on TNT, probably Die Hard or The Fugitive or Overboard. I was even more dumbfounded how my free cable escapade should come to be [correctly] corrected on a Saturday night. Didn't the people at the cable company have lives?

Not paying for cable, I knew that I was limited in my recourse. I couldn't call the cable company to "fix" the problem. I also didn't want to start paying for cable. I decided, instead, to forego cable for the rest of my stay in Philadelphia. I was beginning to prepare for finals anyway and then I needed to focus on the demanding Bar review schedule. Plus, I still had my DVD player, my DVD collection, and a Hollywood Video rental card when I wanted to catch a New Release not worth paying for in a theater. Once I moved to New York and started working at my firm, I would get cable again. But it didn't turn out that way.

It was hot the day I moved into my apartment in Hell's Kitchen, mid-August. Before I started unpacking I made a call to Con Ed to open a utility account in my name and turned on the air conditioners. No problems. My next call was to Time Warner to set-up my cable. Problems. The last tenant failed to close his or her account, again. This time, however, plugging my TV into the existing line failed to give me more than 15 channels, mostly broadcast, but, strangely, also TBS, Bravo, and C-Span. I pleaded with the representative to just open a new account in my name. He said, nope. Rather, the representative stated a list of things I would have to do to set-up my account, all of which seemed too demanding. So instead, I forewent cable again. Armed with those few channels, my DVD player, Netflix (no Hollywood Video card anymore), and a time-consuming job and life, I felt sufficiently entertained without having to jump through Time Warner's hoops. If they toppled from my boycott, so be it [They didn't].

Four years later, the entire landscaped has been transformed. Tivo and DVR have revolutionized television watching. HD channels have brought superior quality, picture, and sound. Blu-ray and up-converted DVD players have started transplanting traditional DVD players and film. New technology is constantly creeping forward. I stayed static. Dormant. Like an Amish person. Every year my Zenith aged, channels faded in and out, DVDs skipped more often, friends visited and made snide comments regarding the quality of my television and the channel offerings, but I did nothing. Until I moved.

I'm proud to say, I took the plunge. I went out and bought a new 40-inch Samsung LCD, which makes my old Zenith look like the biggest, most-useless, industrial-strength paperweight ever. I also decided to make peace with Time Warner and get cable so I could take full advantage of my new HD capability. But, again, the previous tenant failed to close their account. This must be some kind of epidemic. I mean, honestly? I fear for the fate of our country if former tenants can't follow through and close out old utility and cable accounts. It shouldn't be this difficult.

This time, however, I sucked it up and faxed in all the necessary paperwork and this weekend, Saturday to be exact, I received cable, including HD, DVR, and Roadrunner Hi-Speed On-line access. I immediately turned the channel to the Summer Olympics in HD. It was glorious, clearer, and the colors were more vivid and vibrant because it was mine. I watched a Mets game in HD, I recorded Die Hard and The Fugitive with my DVR simply because I could [Overboard wasn't on this weekend]. Then I sat back in my collapsible canvas and plastic-legged chair because I still don't have a couch and I held my remote for hours, pressed its buttons, switched channels, swam through the guide function fishing for shows that piqued my interest, and I smiled.

Jared