Low(down) Expectations

As you may have observed, I'm going to milk this "lowdown" terminology for all it's worth. If there is one millisecond of an opportunity to sneak in the words "low" or "down" or "lowdown" or "down low" or even the initials "LD"--which coincidentally was the nickname we used at work for this girl who was notorious for sleeping with almost anything resembling a long, shaft-like protuberance, but that's neither here nor there--into a title or a joke or a pun or a proverb or a haiku, then, believe me when I say this, I am going to sneak it in like a horny high schooler playing hide the salami [Note: the same applies to any potential future placement and use of the name "Sunnyside"].

Low(down) Expectations! Even I'm impressed with that one.

Okay, enough with the narcissism.

Disappointment equals unmet expectations. When you have expectations, you get your hopes up, you start building unattainable goals, you create plots and storylines for how things will turn out, but most things don't work out that way. The awesome birthday party you planned for yourself will not turn out awesome. The drinks will be overpriced, people will be tired, people will not show up, people will forget to show up because they forgot it was your birthday, someone will spill wine on your shirt or beer down your back, the cab driver will get lost on the way there, you'll end up being late, if you're a girl, the guy you wanted to come won't, if you're a guy, the girl you wanted to come will, but will hit on every other guy there, including your friends, and then will make out with some random Asian dude who looks like an extra from the inevitable, soon-to-be-made, live-action Pokemon movie, etc.
That's life. Murphy's law. What can go wrong, will. Rarely do well-made plans stay well-made. Thus, disappointment is born. Whether it was a party, a dinner date, a trip to Costa Rica, or even if it was expecting to enjoy yourself at the latest Eddie Murphy movie (Mathematically impossible, actually), disappointment creeps in and ruins everything. It puts you in a sour mood and causes you to act belligerently. That's why it's important to keep your expectations low. If you're not expecting much and you fail to receive much, then you're even, you won't even notice. If you expect little and receive a lot, you're ecstatic. If you expect a lot, then you need to receive a lot in return, and, in life, there's not a whole lot running around.

Knowing this, and knowing how the world operates, allows me, without reservation, to recommend that you see Step Brothers starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly.

This movie is ridiculous [In a great way]. I'll be honest, I didn't want to see it. It looked like one more swiftly-produced, poorly-conceived, mish-mash of comedy, thrown together to con you out of your twelve hard-earned dollars. I fell for the trap before, but I had learned my lesson. I waited to rent such classics as: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Semi-Pro, You, Me and Dupree, Blades of Glory. Then something happened, something enchanting: positive word-of-mouth. Two trusted friends of mine both said it was worth seeing. On their word, I took the plunge.

Do not expect a good movie. Do not expect a movie with a plot that makes sense or with one that you want to make sense. Expect good, old-fashioned, exaggerated hostility, vulgarity, and one-liners ready-made for repetition. What you need to do is go to work. Do whatever it is you do at work. Get yelled at by your boss for forgetting to spell the word "labor" the British way ("labour") [I can't think of any reason why you would get yelled at for such a transgression, unless, perhaps, you work for a British newspaper or magazine, which seems highly unlikely if you are reading this]. Go home and look around, notice that you have nothing to do, then look in your refrigerator. You have nothing to eat either. Your freezer is getting smaller by the hour and needs to be defrosted. The Netflix movies sitting on your coffee table have been there for three weeks because you're never "in the mood" to watch Into the Wild [It's sad knowing that he dies] and you regret having put that foreign film in your queue because you hate reading subtitles. Now, you have two options. One, you could call up a few friends and see if they want to grab drinks. Unfortunately, it's Thursday and they all have better things to do; plans have already been made without you. So you end up doing what I'm telling you to do. Walk, don't run, to the nearest movie theater [I recommend the AMC/Loews at Kips Bay because it has stadium seating and no one is ever there, it's like going to Central Park at 3 o'clock on a Tuesday morning, but with 70% less chance of being mugged or sexually assaulted] and purchase a ticket for Step Brothers. It's over the top, it's stupid, it's funny, it's poorly-acted a third of the time, but knowing all of that and expecting so little, you'll love it. You'll love it, as I love it, as someone who understands and appreciates life's little surprises.

Just in case what I've said wasn't enough to get you to the theater [Mathematically possible, actually], I'll leave you with some classic quotes from the movie. Let this be my closing argument.

Dale Doback: [after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. I mean, it's like Fergie meets Jesus.

***

Brennan Huff: I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!

Boats and Hoes!

Jared